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I love NY

19th May, 2006. 1:06 am.

so its like one in the morning my time and i just realized....my whole lj is made up of my fucking food journals! and how boring is that?! who even cares?! so im just gonna blab on about nothing instead lol. soooo tomorrow is my friend nick's bday party, i dunno if its a pool party or not...eh i'll probably just wear shorts and a shirt, i dont feel like swimming anyways. so i can't believe i missed the o.c. and will and grace tonight, im such a loser. and i call myself a tv junkie, shame on me! ok i totally cannnot sleep right now so im gonna turn on erin brokovich or rent or something. sry for my mindless chatter tonight, lol!
luv katie

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17th May, 2006. 8:11 pm.

food journal entry #17
may 16, 2006
nothing

i know, i know....its so hard to break the cycle though, i know this will just lead to a binge....but i cant make myself eat the day after a binge, i just cant do it

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16th May, 2006. 8:12 pm.

food journal entry #15
may 16, 2006
7:00 am-half a plum
2:00 pm-5 carrot sticks
3:00 pm- diet coke
6:30 pm-(binge)
i am such a cow, why can't i go more than 3 fucking days w/o fucking binging?!?!?!?!?!?!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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15th May, 2006. 4:30 pm.

food journal entry #16
may 15, 2006
nothing

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12th May, 2006. 11:37 am.

I let the beast in too soon, I don’t know how to live
Without my hand on his throat; I fight him always & still
O darling, it’s so sweet, you think you know how crazy
-how crazy I am
You say you don’t spook easy, you won’t go, but I know
And I pray that you will
-fast as you can, baby run-free yourself of me
Fast as you can
I may be soft in your palm but I’ll soon grow
Hungry for a fight, and I will not let you win
My pretty mouth will frame the phrases that will
Disprove your faith in man
So if you catch me trying to find my way into your
Heart from under your skin
-fast as you can, baby scratch me out, free yourself
Fast as you can
Fast as you can, baby scratch me out, free yourself
Fast as you can
Sometimes my mind don’t shake and shift
But most of the time, it does
And I get to the place where I’m begging for a lift
Or I’ll drown in the wonders and the was
And I’ll be your girl, if you say it’s a gift
And you give me some more of your drugs
Yeah, I’ll be your pet, if you just tell me it’s a gift
Cuz I’m tired of whys, choking on whys,
Just need a little because, because
I let the beast in and then;
I even tried forgiving him, but it’s too soon
So I’ll fight again, again, again, again, again.
And for a little while more, I’ll soar the
Uneven wind, complain and blame
The sterile land
But if you’re getting any bright ideas, quiet dear
I’m blooming within
Fast as you can, baby wait watch me, I’ll be out
Fast as I can, maybe late but at least about
Fast as you can leave me, let this thing
Run it’s route
Fast as you can (repeat 4 times)
-fast as you can, fiona apple

story of my life, seriously
luv katie

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12th May, 2006. 11:37 am.

food journal entry #13
may 12, 2006
6:30 am-half an apple
10:00 am-diet coke
1:30 pm-half an apple

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11th May, 2006. 1:53 pm.

hey guys forgot to fill in my food journal entry for yesterday so here's yesterday's :
food journal entry #11
may 10, 2006
6:00 am- plum
1:00 pm- diet coke
6:00 pm-(binge)

and today's
food journal entry #12:
may 11, 2006
nothing

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9th May, 2006. 8:42 am.

food journal entry #10
may 9, 2006
6:30 am- half an apple
1:30 pm- 5 carrot sticks
3:00 pm- diet coke

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9th May, 2006. 8:41 am.

i'm sorry...i know everyone here has been going through so much and im sorry if this post is triggering, as i know some have been for some of you...and i really want to be there for everyone, and i hate to add to the emotional load that everyone has had lately, but i can barely take care of myself right now. im falling apart, mentally and phsyically. my grades are slipping to failing grades, im skipping school, im getting detentions, i walk around all day in a daze, im starving myself day after day, and my mom is always saying "you know you don't have that much to handle...you can easily get good grades" but she has NO ------- CLUE the hell i have been in for 4 years, she has no CLUE that i have gotten to the point of suicidal thoughts in the past she has no CLUE what it is like for me right now. this is all just too much to handle, and i want to be there for support for everyone right now and i'll try but i just feel so completely lost in myself right now.
i just....i just want this all to stop.
sorry for the post, you guys are just the only ones i can say this stuff to,
luv katie

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8th May, 2006. 11:23 am.

sigh, totally bored at school
i just saw a post from someone at the purgatorium w/ a link to an article talking about how someone who diets/has an ed as a teen has a higher chance of gaining weight as an adult...eek, i was afraid of that. i dunno, though, its just like "10 more pounds and then i'll stop...ok 15,...ok, 20..." but ive been doing that for 4 years and its never enough.
anyways heres food journal update:
food journal entry #9
may 8, 2006
6:30 am-half an apple
1:30 pm- five baby carrot sticks
5:00-diet coke
luv katie

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